Wait for it....wait for it.....

I have been MIA but Im baaaaaaack. Stay tuned....

Infinite Forgiveness

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. —Matthew 18:21-22

I have read that scripture many many times. I have interpreted in the way that we must forgive the one that hurts us many many times.....despite of the fact it may be the same "violation". Anyone that is a parent and a wife certainly knows that concept of that. As spouses and children we have a tendency to repeat the very things that cause our loved ones pain. I am by no means saying the issue is huge as it could be seemingly minute. Maybe it is leaving the cap off the toothpaste, the toilet seat up or the front door open. Or it could be a total violation of trust in a marriage as in infidelity. What I do know is we are commanded to forgive.

I am blessed and thankful that forgiveness has been an act of love and obedience that has come easily to me. My husband and I were both of the same concept of forgiveness. Even as a child I felt it was easy for me to forgive. To be totally honest, part of that was due to a lack of security. I felt if I did not forgive they would be angry with me and reject me. Only when I became a Christian and my relationship grew with Christ have I grasped the concept of true forgiveness.

Why Forgive?

The Word tells us that in Matthew (6:14) if we forgive others God will surly forgive us. Luke 6:47 states "forgive and you will be forgiven." I believe if you are truly a God lover you do not offer forgiveness only to be forgiven but because it naturally flows from your spirit. Note I did say spirit...we do possess a flesh side that we have to bring into obedience. The characteristics of Jesus should overflow from us and be displayed in our lives.

Forgiveness Is Not...

I do not believe forgiveness releases the perpetrator of responsibility of their actions. I do not believe forgiveness means forget. I do not believe forgiving means denying the pain. On the contrary, forgiveness acknowledges the pain, its intensity and impact on our life. I do not believe that forgiveness means we have to continue a relationship with the offender. But I DO believe once you say those words, with the utmost of truth, the healing can begin.

Is there an Expiration Date?

There should not be a limit to forgiveness, and even though Jesus' response does have a finite numerical boundary, the symbolism indicates an infinite concept. Another view of that "infinite forgiveness concept" is that once we forgive it is continual. Meaning, we have to walk in that forgiveness and display that forgiveness forever. The words, "I forgive you" may flow from our mouths easily but the actions although they should, may not. We can say "I forgive you" but do we really mean it? Actions truly do speak louder than words.

Walking in continual forgiveness, for me, has been a challenge. When challenges arose in my marriage and I said I forgave, that meant not reviving the incident UNDER any circumstance. When my children lied and did wrong I forgave them and I had to let go of the sin. We are to forgive like Christ does and I do not believe He ever reminds us of the sin forgiven. It is hard for me to forgive and not relive the feelings of hurt and anger. I have to remind myself to forgive is continual process. Its a verb and requires action on my part. If I stop the action of forgiving, the forgiveness ceases.

My Forgiveness Test:

I knew immediately (that very morning) I needed to forgive the young lady that cause the accident that took my husbands life. I cannot explain why but there was a peace the overtook my flesh. Sitting here thinking about that I just realized that was probably the first time I forgave purely. By purely, I mean without knowing her and knowing I would not ever have to see her again nor would I gain anything in the worlds eyes from that choice to forgive. That pure forgiveness is just a taste of how Jesus forgives us. Back to that morning.....once the initial shock of what happened to Carl settled I asked the police if I could contact the young woman. I told them I needed to let her know I forgave her. I needed her to know I understood she hurt as well. Of course for legal reasons I was not able to contact her. I could have easily become enraged at what happened and in many ways would have been justified. Because of who Jesus is to me I had to let go of my fleshly reactions/emotions and forgive. I had to rely on His wisdom and peace to get me through.

It was easy that morning to say I forgive. A year later when she went to court, I was there. I wanted to speak at the "hearing". I wanted people to see Jesus love and grace through me. I remember when she walked in (alone) my heart dropped. There before me was the woman who had been driving the car the hit my husband on his motorcycle. She was so young and she had no one with her. No family to stand beside her. I didnt feel rage.....I did not feel revengeful...I wasnt angry. What I wanted to do was put my arms around her and love her. I spoke at the hearing briefly. Afterwards I was able to share a letter I had written to her about my husband. In this letter I described what kind of man he was. I described what my children and I had lost that morning of the accident. I also described the forgiveness I have in my heart and that it was only because of my love for Christ and who He is in me that I could forgive her. I told her my prayer for her was that one day I hope she reflects on our conversation and accepts Christ. I gave her my number and said if she ever needed to talk she could call me. She has called me several times since that day. We talk, I pray and I walk in forgiveness. I meant every word said that morning of the hearing. I walked out of the court room with my pastor and his wife and I was overwhelmed with the peace I felt!

Over the past 2 1/2 years I have had to remind myself (or accept God's reminder!) of that morning. I have had to recall the events in that courtroom. I have had to re-read the letter to her. I have had to repent for not being active in my forgiveness. My family and I have had to go through alot of changes over the past 2 years. We have lost so much because of the events which transpired. Almost daily I still feel that ache in my heart where Carl use to be. When I have to painfully let go of something because of those events I have to say in my mind and heart "I forgive/forgave her." Doing this refills my heart with God's peace and grace and draws me closer to Him. It is then I can take a deep breath in and breath out His forgiveness towards her. What a gift. Am I victorious in this test? I will let you know. As of now I am still walking, giving and accepting forgiveness.

The gift that never stops giving...

As I said the word forgive is a verb that requires action on our part. Continual action. Only when we proceed with the action can God begin to heal and work His miracle in our lives. I am thankful for the gift that keeps on giving and to coin a worldly phrase...I will be re-gifting this gift!

In the Moment

Right now, this moment my heart aches. I feel like I am in a time warp, trapped between what was, what was suppose to be and what is.



What was is my life with him. Being his wife. Him being my husband. Being his best friend and him being mine. What was my children had their father. What was, my secure life. Knowing I was loved.



What was suppose to be: The dreams. The cruise to Alaska. The becoming reacquainted with each other after 20 years with children. We were suppose to be standing next to each other (one day)at our children's wedding. He was suppose to walk my daughter down the aisle. The birth of OUR grandchildren will be experienced by only me.. There will be no "us" planning for big family gathering at Christmas. I will sit on the porch in a rocking chair without him . The sharing of our lifelong memories as husband and wife will only be in my mind. We will not simply grow old together. We worked hard to have all of those moments. We fought hell for those moments.



What is: I'm a widow. I hate that term, btw. What is, someone out of carelessness, took my family's life as we knew it away. What is, I'm alone. I go to bed alone, I wake up alone. When something good or bad happens I have no him to call. When I panic there is no him to rub the worry lines away from my forehead. What is, there is no one to call me Caroly. When I go on a long trip, there is no Carl to call letting him know I arrived safely. I'm having to learn things I never wanted to learn. Learning things like how to check air pressure in the tires, fix the garage opener, repair a leaky faucet and the many other homeowners task. What is is that my life and my children's lives will never be the same. I lost me when he died and I m learning who I am. I have also learned that life really isn't fair and there really is no comfort that makes this easy. What is- is that this pain is indescribable and seems to be never ending.

What is - is also my relationship with Jesus is growing. What is is that Jesus presence has not and never will leave me. What is- is with Him I know its all gonna be alright. What is -is that I need to embrace the future not hold onto what was. What is-is that I am loved with a love no man can take away. In this moment, right now, through the aching of my heart, I can feel how blessed I really am.

Happily ever after?

May 31, 1983 my life changed, Carl and I got married. We met Valentines weekend and married 3 1/2 months later. It was a quick desicion and we had 3 days to do all that needed to be done. We were both in the Marine Corps and home on leave (or vacation for civillains!). Those three days were a whirlwind. We drove to the court house that afternoon, walked into the judges chambers, said I do and that was that. I just realized we were married after 3 months, in 1983, 3days of planning, on the 3rd day of the week and in front of 3 witnesses. Weird.

I never questioned if it was forever....I knew it was. I always believed love was forever. I still do. My situation may have changed but the love in my heart has not. And I believed one soul mate for life. I guess the conflict in my heart is can I really love again? Do I want to love again? Yes, I know I do. I dont know how not to love people. Its a part of me and who God created me to be. I remember when the police came to the door that morning I just kept repeating, "I dont know how not to be his wife, not to be his." I know that God created Carl and I for each other. I know God created me to be a wife and a mother. He created me to be Carls wife and Josh and Haylee's mother. I know God created me to love.

I guess I dont know what to expect this time. I am sure subconsciously my mind will wonder back and even compare the new with the old. Thats really unfair. Its kinda like when you go on a roller coaster. You remember the turns, the hills, the motions, the feelings......so when you get on the next roller coaster you wait with anticipation for those same highs and lows. Although the appearance and the concept of the new rollar coaster is extrememly different than the first in comparison, you expect the same feelings. As you climb in and buckle up for the ride your heart begins beating faster with anticipation. Then you feel the inital jerk as the ride begins. With every turn and twist you process the feelings. The wind blows through your hair. The feeling of weightlessness and you plument down the twisty hill. The anticipation as the coaster begins the clakety clack up the next hill..... the jerk to the right and then to the left. After the ride stops the discussion begins. The comparison begins. The evaluation commences. Is it the same? Does the sensations felt compare to the other coaster? Were the turns equally noteworthy? Was it as thrilling? You may even wish you could interchange the coasters...place this turn on that one...this ascension and downward descion with the other. Hopefully all in all you enjoy both experiences differently but each as enjoyable as the other.

I have looked over the scriptures regarding this "forever love " concept. I cannot find a place in the Word where it states a forever love between a husband and a wife. The only forever love I found in the Word is Gods! And praise Him for that! I do believe marriage is forever and I will not debate nor argue regarding divorce issues. I ado know that God put a love for Carl so deep within me that no man could/nor did pull us apart. Carl has been gone for 2 years 5 months and 16 days and my love for him has not decreased. The love has changed because it has had to.

Would I/do I feel guilty loving someone else? Yes! I have had to soul search and process all types of feelings. Carl and I discussed on several occasions (dont most husbands and wives?) the scenario of something happening to one of us. We both said we wanted the other to remarry. Maybe , in a complex way, those discussions were giving each other permission to love again. He would tell me I was too good of a wife not to be one! Best compliment ever! I was talking to someone about loving someone else a few weeks back....they asked who would it hurt if I did love another? My reply, my children. It would devastate me if my children ever thought I could replace their father or stopped loving him because I loved someone else. That place in my life and forever in my heart will never be replaced with anyone else. Its a love that cannot be "re"captured. My children are an expression of the love Carl and I had. God created the love Carl and I shared and used that love and through His love for us created our children as gifts. This person said maybe the reason I could/do love someone else is the fact that Carl and I shared a beautiful love. I liked that thought.

So "happily ever after" is a phrase the fairy tales utilize in love stories. For me, right now, in this very moment, it is a way through Gods help I will live my new life. And what if I fall/have fallen in love again???? How blessed would I be if I was able to experience the gift of true love twice in my lifetime???

what is the date...who to date...how to date....Im outdated regarding dating.

I like you.

Do you like me?

circle yes or no

Ahhhhh the simple days. And I can remember thinking those times were confusing. When Carl and I began dating we went on dates. There was no process....no facebook...no texting....no internet....no "rules" per say...no open relationship....no friends with benefits....no medical testing....no backgrounds/records check. He sent a note and I circled yes. We dated and then we married.

My how times and people have changed. I don't like it. At 47 (and clinging on) I am learning the world of this social happening. I must admit I did met Todd through an internet dating website. That thought sounds hideous. Years ago I would have never accepted applicationsfor dating purposes. I was not desperate for companionship. Heres my reasoning for utilizing this modern approach to dating.....

1. I wanted a God lover and FOLLOWER. Subject closed.

2. I am snobbish/picky....I prefer the term seriously selective.

3.I didn't not want to date anyone incredibly ugly. Now, granted at times the pictures looked better than real life! I am just thankful I found a good picture of Pamela Anderson to use as my profile picture!

4.I did not need anyone to be responsible for me financially and I certainly did not want to raise anyone financially whom I did not give birth to. I did not want a sugga daddy and I am not a sugga momma.....though one person, who shall remain anonymous, thought I would be. Hey, I learned to do record/background check. Oh and I preferred individuals who completed education from daycare, elementary, high school and college.

5. I do work...at home. However mine is a family oriented business. The men I converse with professionally come complete with beautiful wives and children.


6. The club scene....I tried that and had to carry a club. Not that I am that gorgeous but after a few drinks, the girls do get prettier at closing time and the men get more obnoxious. The words "No thank you" seems to have meant "keep stalking and I will change my mind".


The internet social site saved me 2 hours of awkwardness and sometimes very boring conversation or silence depending on the date. It also saved me the 50 bucks for dinner/interview only to realize it was wasted. And it also saved the guys, feeling the entitlement of a kiss because they paid for dinner, the sting from rejection of said entitlement.

Okay...it may have been a little ego enhancer to log on and see the 100000000000000 applicants that "liked" me. I believe the term was "winked" which in retrospect grosses me out. Ego enhancers at 47 and new at this thing were nice. Nice UNTIL you click view the prospects photo. Seriously?????? I am country and we all know I love overalls but a man in overalls complete with dirt (or at least I hope it was!) on his clothes is disgusting. And maybe I forgot to mention please have all your teeth, no uni-brow, clean fingernails and refrain from pictures which include your Penthouse calendar in the background.

Fast forward 5 dates and one nightmare of a relationship.......I met a nice man. Actually met him a year ago.

Anyway. The other day I was talking with a couple of high school kids about dating. They were giving me the low down on the process of dating. The steps, stages, phases if you will....

Seeing someone: From what I understand you begin by "seeing" someone. I guess you look at them and decide (mutually) that each other is worthy of "seeing" each other. Ok, that totally makes sense.....but what if you are blind? Do you never get to move forward to the "dating' phase? And what do you do when you "see" them?

Dating phase: after "seeing" someone you decide to date them. Now, if the dating stage is when you date them, what do you do during the seeing stage? Just stand/sit there and look at them? And from what I understand dating is when you decide to only date that one person. Can you "see" ( just stare at) others but not date them??? And I thought the term date means to make old. Oh wait...if you date the wrong person they can definitely age you......see above reference to anonymous loser.

In a relationship phase: After you see and date you reach the "in a relationship" stage. Now I must say that thank you to facebook, because of their info section, I was aware of this stage. PHEW! Unfortunately, no really fortunately in this case, I also knew when I was out of a relationship thanks to facebook. Yea, no call, no meeting, just a "single" where "in a relationship" use to be. Again, note anonymous loser reference. From what I understand with the information gathered from these 15 year olds....this is a serious stage. You text each other constantly and go out on dates regularly. Life pretty much revolves around each other. It goes beyond the carrying of your books at school. You and him and him and you. That's the total existence of the world.

After this serious in depth conversation I walked away feeling overwhelmed. How would I remember all of this? And they didn't mention the time frame of each phase. What if I jumped to the next phase too soon? Too late? They also did not mention what if you each have children? How does that work? Since we both have cars who drives? And since we are "old" we have learned there is more in the world than just each other....how do we work all that in? These are just a few of the mental dilemmas the race through my mind. Honestly, after thinking and processing all of this I am often too tired to go out and see someone, date someone, let lone be in a relationship.

I like the old way better.....

I like you.

Do you like me?

Circle yes or no.

He circled yes. Right now I am happy with that.

Get a Clue

Yesterday was one of THOOOOOOSE days. The kind of "lump in your throat that wont go down, dont touch me or I will burst into tears" days. I attempted to blog this hilariously funny post but just could not finish it.

This morning I processed yesterday. I am not sure that is that way you are suppose to run your life but that is what happened. I have not felt well. Seems my body is tempted to succumb to the viruses that are floating around. Don't dismay, I'm still in the fight! When I feel physically weak my emotions follow. Yesterday I missed Carl. What I wanted to do is feel his arms around me , comforting me. I guess in a weird way I felt like he could make it better. Instead I went on line to re-read the article about his death. WHY??????? I cried.....hard. In the midst of this seemingly emotionally destructive activity, I found an article/letter written by my son about Carl. I cant tell you how much seeing Josh's words (written days after his death) touched my heart. I posted a response and this morning in my email was the most thought provoking email from the blogger himself. Honestly, it wasn't even that his words were magical or so full of wisdom. (Sorry RC) The mere fact he responded TO ME was magical. He could have posted my response and called it a night but he chose to take the time to type out a little message to touch a stranger. Some of his insight I liked and some not so much. Nevertheless.....the email was thought provoking. The one statement that I remember the loudest...."dead ends are nothing more than a reason to try a new road." I agree. Seriously, is there another choice? I often hear people comment to me that I am "doing it." I know they mean I am moving on...moving forward....adjusting. I am not so sure I cannot accept that as a compliment. What else am I suppose to do? I can remember after his death I would be angry (secretly) at people. Random people. When I went to Publix as saw people smiling, I would wonder how they could.....why? What in this life is so wonderful you can walk around with those silly smirks on your faces. At WalMart when I would see frustration from people waiting in line....I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, "Is your life so important that you cant be patient and wait 5 extra minutes??? At least you have a life....mine is gone!" People would stroll through the mall debating which dress to buy, what color shoes, where to eat and I was deciding whether or not I wanted to take another breath and if I could even breathe. (Don't freak, I was not/am not suicidal.....the very thought of pain hurts me and self inducing pain is not an option!) I was furious that the world seemed to still be turning when it seemed mine had stopped!!! Now I realize my life didn't stop. It was paused. God was redirecting me for the path He has for me. In the words of a GPS...."recalculating".

Sometimes I think it is good almost therapeutic for us to look back. There seems to be so much emphasis on looking forward and I get that. However, sometimes if we GLANCE back we can see how far we have come. We see what God has brought us through and that can encourage us to have victory over what He is bringing us to. I would say the key word is glance. Not to stay. Not to linger. Just a quick visit. Its kinda like when you watch a really good movie and the end blows you away. Its nothing like you expected and you wonder did you miss something that would have clued you as to what the ending would be like. This past weekend I watched a movie that was like that. I now want to view it again and look for hidden clues. Maybe that is why I had my "look back day" yesterday. There were no "clues" as to that event but I can see how God prepared my for the event of Carl's death. That, for me, is reassuring that He is also and has equipped me for my future.

I do miss Carl and my life with him. I miss taking care of him, nurturing him, being his wife. But I also know if I stay in that place mentally I miss the todays. I will miss what God is speaking to me now. So today.... I will live in the moments of today.

The Snowball Affect

This past weekend I went up to North Georgia to visit framily(friends that have become my family). I made the same trip last year during the same weekend and have decided it may just become a ritual with me. This year.....LOTS OF SNOW. I didn't play in it but I did walk up the mountain, okay maybe it was only a quarter of it, in my snow boots with the 3 inch heels!!!

Allan and Christy (and the three little "J"s) do my heart good. There are not many friends that can see you at your best and see you at your worse (like first thing in the morning or crying so hard snot pours from your nose!) and still love you as this family does. I know the fact that I don't wake up as beautiful as I am is hard to believe!! Anyway.....to come up on this mountain top, which was covered with snow, and feel the love of from this family is AMAZING. They, as well as their siblings and parents, have truly become my God given family over the past 23 years. We have celebrated births, weddings, new homes, argued, laughed , cried, prayed, had hurt feelings and even mourned loved ones and yet God's love saturates the fellowship when united. Because of the peace the flows through them, this place has become almost a refuge......a place of renewal for me.

This past weekend I spent alot of time reflecting, praying and crying. Friday was the two year mark of Carl's death. Its hard to believe he has been gone for 2 years. 2 years!!!! A friend of mine said she drove by the place of his accident and smiled because I wasn't there...pacing and praying. I have to admit I was tempted. In the beginning I did, every week for 7 months. I would walk the site looking for pieces of his belongings, the motorcycle, my heart, my life. Sounds pitiful but I did. It was only 7 months after that day, to the day, God said stop. He probably said stop before then but my ears were deaf to His voice. On that 7 month ritual of returning to that place God spoke through a friend (guess He was tired of me not listening directly!) and said not to return. That day was the last day I went to that spot.

Seemingly akward, my heart hurts for the young woman who was driving the car that morning. I debated wether or not to call her last Friday. I opted no and prayed for her throughout the day. I pray that though she caused the accident, she would feel and accept Gods peace. I am blessed that though the past two years have been incredibly painful God Himself and God working through friends I have been able to make it. The young woman driving the car does not know God nor have the support of friends I do. I know this b/c I have spoken within her in the last couple of months.

Carl's life ended so quickly. A friend of mine and I were discussing which is worse....expecting a loved ones death (as in cancer etc) or losing them unexpectedly. After weighing pros and cons( if we can label the facts), we decided one is not worse than the other. The loss of a loved one is that....a loss. I am blessed in so many ways...one being that although he was killed unexpectedly I said (unknowingly) my final goodbyes that morning. He knew how much he meant to me and how much I (we) loved him before he left the house. The morning's devotion and heartfelt conversation that we shared was truly a gift from God. God knew I would need those words and would draw strength from them. Carl left the house, for a date to meet his Creator, knowing how much he was loved on earth. Even now that makes me smile through the tears.

I have had to re-learn and learn so many aspects of me and my life. I am still learning. I always believed that there was only one soul mate for me, only one true love. Kinda like the Hallmark cards and Lifetime movies (known in my house as "chooch tv) portray. Now, I am not so sure. I stood before a judge (in a court room and no it was not Judge Judy!) and God and swore to only love him. God, Carl and I made a covenant. I was talking with a pastor about how hard it is because my husband was ripped and torn from my life. Our covenant was taken from me. He replied those were harsh/negative words. He suggested that my covenant was "satisfied". Satisfied. You know what...that it was. :)

I do know I will never love another like I loved Carl Thomas Davis. I can never experience life that way I experienced with him nor do I want to. I cannot and will not share those thoughts, dreams and experiences with anyone else. That era of my life is sacred, if you will. No man may ever travel that road created for Carl and I and for that I am thankful. I am learning that maybe just maybe I can love again in a different way and degree. There are aspects of life I have not experienced yet but I will. It will be wonderfully different. Am I scared???? You bet. Just as scared as the day I told Carl I'd give marriage a "try", knowing in my heart it was for life. But I do trust and continue to learn to trust God's plan.

Ive learned alot of my trust was in Carl....before you judge.....its easy to "trust" God when you have a good life. I learned, painfully, that maybe just maybe I didn't trust God as much as I thought I did. See, Carl was really the first man on earth I did trust. I didn't have a daddy as a child. I grew up, predominately, in a man hater/distrust atmosphere. Men, in my view, took advantage of women, would abandon you, were abusive, self righteous and only cared for themselves. Through Carl I learned that was not true. I dated before Carl but no one like him. Disclaimer: I know that Carl was not perfect...just close. :) Carl was my provider, my nurturer, my protector, an awesome father and my best friend. I now know he was all that to me THROUGH AND BECAUSE OF GOD, working through him. Carl loved God and although not always displayed in mans eyes, he lived his life for God.

I always knew my roles in life were Carl's wife and mother of his children. After Carl died I felt my world and my purpose ended, seriously. If not for my children, I didn't want to go on...didn't think I could. By not wanting to let Carl go and facing the reality he was gone, I was telling God His timing was wrong. Really???? Who am I to question Him??? By questioning His timing of Carl's death, I also questioned His plan for my future. I was basically saying I didn't trust Him. Period. When I read that statement in a book my heart dropped and my spirit grieved. How could I not trust the very One that gave His life for me and carried my through all these years???? How could I not trust the very One that placed Carl and I together???? Like I said I am re-learning so many things.

I have learned I am not in control. I cannot make nor prevent events from taking place. As I observe my children grieve and hurt deeply for their father, I recall the lessons we teach them when they are little to protect them. Simple lessons like don't touch the hot stove, don't run you may fall etc etc to complex ones like wear your seat belt, drive safely etc etc. This lesson is one I could not in any way prepare them for. As a mother I don't know there is anything more painful than watching your children grieve for the very man that was their super hero. I am learning I cannot fix this. There is not a band aid big enough nor an antibiotic strong enough for this. God has this one. I pray for God to surround them, comfort them, guide them and heal them. I can be here when they need to talk, be held, cry, comfort and even vent their anger and hurt out on but I cannot do what only God can.

I am learning that the sense of humor God has blessed me with is not only for those around me but for myself. I have always been told I can make anyone smile and laugh. I recently reconnected with a friend of mine from high school who I haven't communicated with in 32 years. His best memory of me??? The fact I always made everyone laugh! It was not how hot I was....but the fact I made people smile . I am sure and I know for a fact that my humor during this chapter have caused some to question my gift. Hey, don't question what God has placed in me, its not your place. I love that I can laugh. I love I am learning to laugh again. Yesh, in this world of seriousness someone needs to lighten the mood....that would be me! :)

I am learning to treasure and remember the wonderful parts of my life as his wife. I am also learning not to live my life today in past tense. I can remember and recall those times but I cannot relive nor stay in that chapter. Doing so stops and prevents me from fulfilling Gods plans for my future.

I have always loved snow. Being military I lived in Germany, Canada and Japan. I can remember many snow forts created and decorated by me. I remember the snowmen being built. Given my preference I would live on a snowy mountain any day! Those snow forts and snowmen didn't just happen. They took time and were molded by many flakes. My life has been like a snowball. It started as a flake (pun intended!) and as it travels through the path placed in front of it, the growth is inevitable. Unstoppable. It is not even aware of the growth it accumulates nor the strength and power obtained. That snowball would be me. As I travel the blizzard path the Master has laid before me I grow and obtain a strength never believed possible. This transformation would not occur if I were to remain what I was in the beginning. I would have not power nor the strength to continue. I could not be molded into what God wants me to be if I stopped moving forward. See a snowball cannot travel back up the hill it has come from. It only grow by moving forward. Just when I think I have become what I need, more snow falls and hills appear causing my travels to continue. The growth and strength to manifest beyond my limits. I am glad God is the snow maker and He has chosen me to travel the blizzards of life with and because of Him.

Wow, that all sounds so corny. Maybe the snow has caused my brain to freeze a little......