The beginning of us.

It's 6:15 in the morning. And it is really quiet here. Really quiet. Its so quiet i can hear myself think. As I enter into the world of blogging I wonder where to begin. Before I made the absolute decision to blog I contemplated why. I am not so full of wisdom I feel the need to pour it out on others nor am I so full of myself I believe others really are interested in my life. I began reading a few others blogs. Some made me laugh, others made me cry and an even bigger challenge, some made me think. I am actually a big thinker. I have been told by many that I think too much. All in all I realized that blogging would be a way for me to process my thoughts, empty my brain and treasure memories I may have forgotten otherwise.
Disclaimer: I am terrible at English so forgive me in advance. I have random thoughts so try and keep up. I think waaaay faster than these fingers will type so please ignore typos!
Ok, back to why blog now......my life is at a crossroads of sorts. Oh, I have been at many crossroads but most of them have been because of mine or my family's choice/choices. I have never been one to shy away or be cautious of an adventure or crossroad. I have always had a carefree spirit. I have lived life in the moment....so much in fact I have not had time or desire to journal. As I am transitioning at this crossroads I feel different. I feel cautious, less confident, less carefree and okay even a little worried. My life (up until 2 years ago) was organized chaos. Yes, we moved often. Yes, I have lived in several countries. Yes, I was in the Marine Corps. The list could go on and on. But I have come to realize all of that was controlled chaos. My life was planned, calculated and controlled by me and choices I (we) made. The crossroads I faced were ones pre-planned and I had a map. Yes there were challenges along the way, painful ones. I have had a husband that was deployed for 2 one year deployments and in between gone 9 months out of every year, I have miscarried three times, once losing Haylee's twin, in 26 years of marriage we faced and conquered many challenges, as a child.....um lets not go there yet. All that to say I consider myself a survivor of sorts.
The crossroad that I am at now feels more like a dead end at times. This road is one I did not choose, did not plan nor calculate. This uncontrollable path has taken my breath away and after almost two years still does. I don't like this path.....

I met my husband (Carl) in the Maine Corps while stationed Parris Island, South Carolina. I had only been in the Marines for 8 months when the most handsome, squared away Marine Corps drill instructor asked me to dance. This man exemplified the term Marine and I liked it and him! The date was February 11th, 1983. It was a Friday. My life would never be the same. That May I had planned to go home to see my family (in Oklahoma) and Carl asked if he could go. I remember calling my grandmother and telling her I was bring him home to meet the family. Years later she says she knew immediately we would marry. She says she could tell in my voice. The proposal occurred as we drove up through this little mountain range in Oklahoma. Here's the conversation:

Carl: (as he leaned back arrogantly in the cab of his truck looking over at me) So, do you think you could handle being a drill instructor's wife?
Me: (smiling so self assured) The question is not can I but do I want to.

Carl: (smiling nervously) Oh, well, do you?

Me: (smiling coyly) Sure, we can give it a try.


That was it. Three and a half months after we met we became husband and wife. That conversation began 26 of the most trying, hard, rewarding, amazing, wonderful years of my life. In many ways my life began at that moment.
I am closing this post with a smile on my face, tears in my eyes and a heart so thankful to God for that man and my life with him.