Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. —Matthew 18:21-22
I have read that scripture many many times. I have interpreted in the way that we must forgive the one that hurts us many many times.....despite of the fact it may be the same "violation". Anyone that is a parent and a wife certainly knows that concept of that. As spouses and children we have a tendency to repeat the very things that cause our loved ones pain. I am by no means saying the issue is huge as it could be seemingly minute. Maybe it is leaving the cap off the toothpaste, the toilet seat up or the front door open. Or it could be a total violation of trust in a marriage as in infidelity. What I do know is we are commanded to forgive.
I am blessed and thankful that forgiveness has been an act of love and obedience that has come easily to me. My husband and I were both of the same concept of forgiveness. Even as a child I felt it was easy for me to forgive. To be totally honest, part of that was due to a lack of security. I felt if I did not forgive they would be angry with me and reject me. Only when I became a Christian and my relationship grew with Christ have I grasped the concept of true forgiveness.
The Word tells us that in Matthew (6:14) if we forgive others God will surly forgive us. Luke 6:47 states "forgive and you will be forgiven." I believe if you are truly a God lover you do not offer forgiveness only to be forgiven but because it naturally flows from your spirit. Note I did say spirit...we do possess a flesh side that we have to bring into obedience. The characteristics of Jesus should overflow from us and be displayed in our lives.
Forgiveness Is Not...
I do not believe forgiveness releases the perpetrator of responsibility of their actions. I do not believe forgiveness means forget. I do not believe forgiving means denying the pain. On the contrary, forgiveness acknowledges the pain, its intensity and impact on our life. I do not believe that forgiveness means we have to continue a relationship with the offender. But I DO believe once you say those words, with the utmost of truth, the healing can begin.
Is there an Expiration Date?
There should not be a limit to forgiveness, and even though Jesus' response does have a finite numerical boundary, the symbolism indicates an infinite concept. Another view of that "infinite forgiveness concept" is that once we forgive it is continual. Meaning, we have to walk in that forgiveness and display that forgiveness forever. The words, "I forgive you" may flow from our mouths easily but the actions although they should, may not. We can say "I forgive you" but do we really mean it? Actions truly do speak louder than words.
Walking in continual forgiveness, for me, has been a challenge. When challenges arose in my marriage and I said I forgave, that meant not reviving the incident UNDER any circumstance. When my children lied and did wrong I forgave them and I had to let go of the sin. We are to forgive like Christ does and I do not believe He ever reminds us of the sin forgiven. It is hard for me to forgive and not relive the feelings of hurt and anger. I have to remind myself to forgive is continual process. Its a verb and requires action on my part. If I stop the action of forgiving, the forgiveness ceases.
My Forgiveness Test:
I knew immediately (that very morning) I needed to forgive the young lady that cause the accident that took my husbands life. I cannot explain why but there was a peace the overtook my flesh. Sitting here thinking about that I just realized that was probably the first time I forgave purely. By purely, I mean without knowing her and knowing I would not ever have to see her again nor would I gain anything in the worlds eyes from that choice to forgive. That pure forgiveness is just a taste of how Jesus forgives us. Back to that morning.....once the initial shock of what happened to Carl settled I asked the police if I could contact the young woman. I told them I needed to let her know I forgave her. I needed her to know I understood she hurt as well. Of course for legal reasons I was not able to contact her. I could have easily become enraged at what happened and in many ways would have been justified. Because of who Jesus is to me I had to let go of my fleshly reactions/emotions and forgive. I had to rely on His wisdom and peace to get me through.
It was easy that morning to say I forgive. A year later when she went to court, I was there. I wanted to speak at the "hearing". I wanted people to see Jesus love and grace through me. I remember when she walked in (alone) my heart dropped. There before me was the woman who had been driving the car the hit my husband on his motorcycle. She was so young and she had no one with her. No family to stand beside her. I didnt feel rage.....I did not feel revengeful...I wasnt angry. What I wanted to do was put my arms around her and love her. I spoke at the hearing briefly. Afterwards I was able to share a letter I had written to her about my husband. In this letter I described what kind of man he was. I described what my children and I had lost that morning of the accident. I also described the forgiveness I have in my heart and that it was only because of my love for Christ and who He is in me that I could forgive her. I told her my prayer for her was that one day I hope she reflects on our conversation and accepts Christ. I gave her my number and said if she ever needed to talk she could call me. She has called me several times since that day. We talk, I pray and I walk in forgiveness. I meant every word said that morning of the hearing. I walked out of the court room with my pastor and his wife and I was overwhelmed with the peace I felt!
Over the past 2 1/2 years I have had to remind myself (or accept God's reminder!) of that morning. I have had to recall the events in that courtroom. I have had to re-read the letter to her. I have had to repent for not being active in my forgiveness. My family and I have had to go through alot of changes over the past 2 years. We have lost so much because of the events which transpired. Almost daily I still feel that ache in my heart where Carl use to be. When I have to painfully let go of something because of those events I have to say in my mind and heart "I forgive/forgave her." Doing this refills my heart with God's peace and grace and draws me closer to Him. It is then I can take a deep breath in and breath out His forgiveness towards her. What a gift. Am I victorious in this test? I will let you know. As of now I am still walking, giving and accepting forgiveness.
The gift that never stops giving...
As I said the word forgive is a verb that requires action on our part. Continual action. Only when we proceed with the action can God begin to heal and work His miracle in our lives. I am thankful for the gift that keeps on giving and to coin a worldly phrase...I will be re-gifting this gift!
